Santa Fe student Taylor Hagemes grew up on the timeless beats of MC Hammer, so when he caught word that his favorite act would be performing in nearby Tallahassee, FL Taylor jumped at the opportunity.
“Shit, I vibe with MC Hammer. Tally a piss hole, Miami Harold told me so. Straight poverty! No wonder MC Hammer swinging by, need that in their lives! I gotta donate, make that time.”
According to sources, Taylor made his way to Tallahassee to catch the concert. However, when he arrived Taylor was shocked to discover MC Hammer was the closer at an all-day charity event for a local institution of higher learning. “Shit tough to see, didn’t think others had it so bad. Tallahassee though, damn man. Ghost town in this shit,” Taylor reportedly said. When informed that the local institution was really a perennial power in the College Football landscape (and rival to his favorite team), Taylor exclaimed, “What the fuck’s a warchant? All I know, Gators came in here and when they left, school turned to a special needs program.”
Taylor knew he had to #DoSomething for the cause, and took it upon himself to make amends at the notedly small showing. Capturing the moment on his phone, Taylor shouted to the school’s dance squad the score of their last game against the Gators. According to Taylor, it was an olive branch moment, “Gotta move on, get better every day.”
FSU Twitter had different plans for Taylor.
“The fuck bro, shits weird here. One second the fighting Willies are jiving with MC Hammer on stage, and next thing you know they homer-asses on Twitter hurling insecurities at me,” Taylor reportedly said to someone close to the situation.
Responses across the fandom ranged from the Twitter legends to the poors. Hometown musician and reputable Carolina fan TaReef KnockOut commended the Santa Fe student for his commitment towards the Silkk follows. Others, like FSU Twitter Jesus Singleshot, praised the student’s charity, “We always appreciate the contributions to our program from Santa Fe students.”
When asked whether he would clarify why he’d wear rival colors to the live concert, Taylor swiftly typed, “Can’t touch this!” before blocking me on Twitter.
While we don’t speculate here at the Big 3 Roll Up, Noles247 insider Josh Newberg is reportedly spinning this shit for your clicks.
This is a developing story.
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(Photo Via: Seminoles.com)