Kev Enters Transfer Portal, Goes on Final Adventure

The transfer portal cracked and fizzed in the background, with thunderous winds howling about. Kev stared into the abyss, knowing full well entering the portal could mean a premature end to his career. Still, he had to do it… for #TNM


“Kev, you really don’t need to do this. Just mute Silk and TJ on the timeline for a bit, it’s what I do,” said notable podcaster and part-time Keanu Reeves impersonator Josh Newberg.


Kev stared into Josh’s eyes for what felt like eternity, in his desperate attempt to communicate his long-held beliefs. Manny Diaz needs him-- no, all of Miami needs him to do this.


“Seriously, Kev, Tate Martell isn’t worth the hype. You quit adventuring, you told everyone on the pod that those days were over.” Concern swiped momentarily over Josh’s face, flowing hair bristling in the harsh gale flurrying about.


“Do you know how it feels, Berg, to not know what a Championship feels like? I do. I got Gators and Noles in my mentions every. Single. Day. This was supposed to be the all Cane’s conference! Yet here we are all these years later. Silk clowning bout dropping 40 Burgers in Orlando. TJ slandering truths about the Miami defense. Manny’s bringing back the U bro, and I gotta contribute anyway I can. Miami needs me right now, Berg. Nobody can find Tate. Nobody but me.” Kev turned away from Josh, and faced his destiny. The swirling monolith stood prominently before him. “No one adventures better than me.”


Josh stood in silence, staring past Kev and towards the portal. Before him lay the truth: if anyone could find Tate Martell, it would be Kev.


Understanding, finally, what Kev meant, Josh looked towards his friend and hollered, “Give ‘em hell, Kev… Give ‘em hell!”


Kev, with one last glance back towards Josh, yelled, “There’s a storm brewing. And I’m here for it. Oh, and FUCK BERG!”


Kev hurtled towards the portal, the storm surged inwards as he set forth on his final adventure.


Kev has yet to exit the transfer portal.


Written by Ed Kennedy. You can follow Ed on Twitter at @EdKennedyV on Twitter.


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