Breaking: Miami Fans Still Exist

Miami fans have emerged from the caverns deep below Coral Gables after their thrilling victory over the Pittsburgh Panthers, according to actual students who attend the University of Miami.


“Yeah, we’re back! We’ve got a shot at winning the Coastal!” hollered one fan who then hissed at the sun when light hit his skin.


“The U baby, there ain’t nothing else like it,” called out another. She was immediately dismayed to learn that there was, in fact, another University of Miami in Ohio.


While most college football fans dismissed the shitshow that was Miami after their fourth loss to bottom-feeder Georgia Tech, their fans swore they had their team’s back the whole time.


“I never had any doubts,” said one fan while reactivating his twitter account, “this is a total rebuild, and we need to have our coach’s back!”


“We’ve all been busy these past few weeks. Miami has so much to do, it’s hard to dedicate our time to just Miami football, you know?” said another fan, while taking a shit behind a nearby bush.



“Yeah, we’re too busy making bread down here. But we’re back, and we’ve got the Noles on notice!” one fan confidently exclaimed, busting out his rusty turnover chain to emphasize their point.


“We beat those people with Malik. Tate can be missing and we still not losing to Willie” said Kev, who had hoped you forgot that he tweeted this a few months ago. When Kev was informed that Tate was still Missing, he simply sighed, shed a tear, and re-entered the cave.


When asked whether all these Miami fans now had the time to join other fans in the new Big 3 Roll Up Discord, they all collectively laughed, exclaimed how they had much better things to do with their lives, and flashed the U to make sure you knew that they meant business.


The same fans immediately proceeded to trash their rent-a-stadium, stab FSU fans at their tailgates, and cuss out Manny Diaz for not bringing ‘Da U’ back to former glory in less than a year.




Via: Ed Kennedy


Above Photo Credit: @BHath4
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